


Without You

by valkyriors



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Love Confessions, Mild Angst, Spence in Danger, Whipped Spence, after danger, derailed, episode 1x09, oh yeah baby Spence, reader cares a LOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25382935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriors/pseuds/valkyriors
Summary: love confessions after spence is in danger.....
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Kudos: 84





	Without You

“Could at least one of you look like you’re gonna see me again?” His three co-workers looked to each other for a minute- oh God, this really wasn’t good.

“See you when you get back.” Hotch said plainly, but it was better than nothing.

Spencer nodded, before heading up towards the train. Law enforcement bustled around him, but all he could hear was the fast beating of his heart. It’s just a hostage situation with an extremely unstable schizophrenic and two guns, right?

“Where’s Reid?” You called out, stepping out of the trailer you’d been in. Everyone looked your way, they were lucky you had been busy long enough to come up with a plan- they all knew you’d oppose it. Your eyes met the pitiful ones of Derek Morgan, who offered no answer in return.

“Where is he?” You repeated again, trying to find him in the crowd of officers and cars- he wasn’t there. The panic started to set in, knowing what the unsub had demanded. Not him, God, surely they didn’t just send him in. “Spencer?”

Both Gideon and Morgan stepped towards you, noticing the panic that was starting to cover your face.

The nature of your relationship with Spencer was as yet unspoken between the two of you, but everyone at the BAU seemed to notice that at least something was going on. The way you’d fall into his arms after a case, the longing looks you seemed to give each other when they weren’t looking, the whispered conversations you shared on the jet.

Any conversation about it seemed to have been limited to suggestive looks from Morgan, since any other questions about it just got shrugged off- “Not now, Morgan.”. Spencer was far more blushy when he was pressed, mostly sticking with a “Shut up.” and walking in the opposite direction to hide his embarrassment.

But now you couldn’t see him, and you knew exactly where he’d gone. Surely he hadn’t been that stupid. “Spencer!” You shouted out, coming to the realisation that he really had been that stupid. You began to run towards the train car just ahead, not that your brain had come up with anything to follow through with.

You didn’t get very far- just a few metres before the annoyingly-strong arms of Derek Morgan had grabbed you and stopped you in your tracks. “Don’t you dare send him in there! Get him out!”

You screamed violently at Hotch, who stood just ahead of you with an unbothered face- you wanted to hit that face sometimes. All you could think about was the danger Spence was in, and he didn’t even seem to care. “Hotch, get him out! H-he can’t-“

Your frustrated words seemed to dwindle when you knew you weren’t gonna make a difference, leaving you weakly struggling in Derek’s grip. He barely noticed your movements, typical, leaving you only hurting yourself further. You had to take a sharp breath to stop the tears that threatened to fill your eyes.

“Please…” You mumbled uselessly, letting Derek direct you back away from the front of the commotion. You knew it was unprofessional, and you could be sure Hotch would have something to say about it later, but all you could think about was Spencer walking towards (according to the look on everyone’s faces) his death. You still dragged your feet through the dirt as you walked.

He gave you a quick look to see if you were okay before he let you go, so you mumbled a yes before he made some space between you. You stood behind a random car, facing him with the angriest face you could come up with- your lips pouted like an upset child.

“You can’t do that, not on the job.” He spoke to you frustratedly, trying to speak to you with a more authoritative voice. But he knew and understood exactly how you felt- he just didn’t want to leave you at the mercy of Hotch while you were still angry.

“I know, I know. I just-“ You couldn’t summon the words, running your hands across your face stupidly and frustratedly. “He’s got a gun and he’s dangerous and-“

“But that’s the job.” He stressed to you. He was right, and you couldn’t make it better now. You weren’t even sure you’d be able to watch the video anymore, you couldn’t cope seeing him in there (and you’d almost blown the case- great).

You turned away from him, looking up to the train carriage just ahead of you. Spencer was in there, and all you could see was the guns pointed at the carriage, and think of the guns that were in the hands of the unsub. Your heart still beat crazily, maybe more so now that you’d stopped moving.

“What’s going on with you two?” He turned in the same direction as you, resting his arms on the top of the police car. You couldn’t reach.

You chuckled humorlessly, dropping your head to the floor. “I don’t know.” Peering up to him for a second, you took in the stance of his body- he was visibly stressed too. It made you feel bad, Spencer and him were good friends, hell, Elle was on the team too, maybe you were being selfish. Since when did Spencer affect your judgement? “Is that better or worse?”

He looked back to you for a second, giving you much kinder eyes. “I think it means that after this is all over, you’ll know just what to say.” He paused for a second. “And so will he.”

He seemed to know how uncertain the pair of you were about your relationship, Derek always seemed to know. Part of you wanted to resent him for that, but he just happened to be one of the best guys on the planet. “Didn’t know you were so good at advice.” You smiled for a second, watching him as he stepped away from the car.

“All part of my charm, baby.” He chuckled, heading back towards the commotion. “Stay here until you’ve calmed down. I don’t know what Hotch is gonna say.”

“Will do.” You muttered, leaning back against the car. You steadied your breathing for a minute, trying not to let thoughts of Spencer cloud you once again- you’re on the job, don’t be stupid. But you already knew you wouldn’t be able to work until you knew he was safe again.

20 minutes later and it was all over, and Spencer was stumbling out of the train clutching onto Elle. Everyone was okay, thank God, and it was all thanks to Spencer’s interference.

You hung back, knowing the medics would have to make sure him and Elle were okay. So you watched, embarrassingly, as him and Elle spoke while perched on the back of one of the police cars. Knowing her she was refusing to go to hospital, and Spencer was thanking her for saving him.

“You probably saved my life in there.” Elle says to Spencer with a small smile.

“Probably? I totally saved your life.” He replies with an atypical smirk. “And I’m pretty certain that it was caught on tape.”

The pair of them laughed, still on the calm buzz of such a dire situation ending on a positive note. They’d managed to become close over the few weeks Elle had been with the team, her being a lot kinder and more sincere than a lot of the people the BAU team came across. You supposed it was because she was used to working with sexual offenders- it made it far easier to get along with people like Spencer.

“You’ve got an admirer.” She stated, not needing to look over to where you stood. The pair of them had noticed you waiting for them, but you stood far back enough to not hear their conversation. If you had any shame left you’d say you waited like a dog tied to a lamp post.

“Yeah.” He looked over to you and offered a small smile, taking in the shy stance you held. It was slightly uncharacteristic, and he imagined that you had been thinking of him as much as he was of you, with the gun pointed to his head.

Images of you always seemed to visit him in times of distress, and he wondered if he’d ever told you that. Now he thought that he would.

“You two figured that out yet? She hangs onto your every word.” She offered up, smiling at the way he now avoided eye contact with her. It didn’t take a BAU profiler to realise how enamoured he was by you.

He looked back up to you again, seeing that you’d turned away to take a drink of water.

Derek had already whispered to him that he needed to speak to you, after him and Elle had gotten off the train. Something must’ve happened, he presumed, going by the averted gazes between you and Hotch, and the visible tension on the Unit Chief’s shoulders. Hotch was always tense, so if it was more visible than usual than something serious must’ve happened.

“Figured out why she hangs on my every word? I don’t think I’ll ever figure that out.” He laughed at himself, still weary of confronting the situation. It was all so new to him, he hadn’t quite figured out what you wanted from him- his nerves were audible in everything he said pertaining to you.

“You’ve just defused a pretty serious hostage situation and she’s the only one who hasn’t come over and patted you on the back.” She started, looking across to Spencer. “So she either doesn’t give one or she really, really does. It doesn’t take much to know it’s the latter.”

He paused, looking up to where you were and thinking. He didn’t have a clue what to say, he wasn’t good with words that were his own. There was something strangely comforting in having an unspoken thing between you, it meant nothing ever had to be said (though it also meant nothing ever happened, so it wasn’t the best thing in the world).

“I think the pair of you are gonna go crazy if you don’t do something soon.” She spoke again, making Spencer laugh slightly. He did feel crazy, but only because you made him feel more than anybody else he knew.

“Yeah.” He replied, standing up from his space. “Go to the hospital, okay? I’ll meet you there.” She offered him a small smile, watching him head over to you.

He dragged his feet through the dirt, making you turn to see him, a weak smile on your face. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He offered in return, and as soon as he was close enough you melted into his arms, your head on his chest and both arms wrapping around him. The collision would’ve made him grunt if not for his weariness from the day and everything else- he accepted the impact with a smile.

He was the one who had just been in danger but you needed this, and he wrapped his arms around you in return. The hug was nice, too warm for the Texas heat, but the feel of being in his arms and the pair of you being completely safe was worth it. He smelt familiar and homely, and he was just as comfortable as you remembered.

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” You mumbled up to him, before tightening your grip once again. It was shameless, but with the beating from Hotch that awaited you along with the stress of the day, you indulged yourself in one small moment of contempt.

“Me too.” He chuckled slightly, letting one hand run up and down your back. He’d never realised how much he enjoyed hugs until you gave him them, because he never really hugged anyone. And suddenly here was his perfect co-worker, who he most definitely had feelings for, who was warm and lovely, and offered him hugs all of the time.

He wondered if he’d ever pictured someone like you in his life when he joined the FBI. He hadn’t.

“I heard a gunshot and I thought you were hurt.” You confessed, stepping away from the hug but keeping a hand latched onto his side. Keeping hold of him was grounding, to know he wasn’t gonna slip out of your grasp again.

“No, I’m okay. I think Bryar and the psychiatrist are gonna be, too.” You nodded at his words, having nothing to reply with. For a moment you’d forgotten that anybody else was in danger, which was more than unprofessional (but you reckoned you could keep that thought to yourself). “Is that why everyone seems really tense?”

You hissed at his words, resisting the need to look across to Hotch. You were sure he was watching you from somewhere, he seemed to be everywhere when he wasn’t happy with you. “No..” You paused, looking up to Spencer then back to the floor again.

“I kind of got really upset when I found out you were going in.” You bit down on your lip, looking up at him. He was somewhere between a relaxed face and furrowed brows- you didn’t know what that meant.

“Oh.” He replied, not really knowing what to say. Did he want you to be upset? He wasn’t sure, at least Elle was right though, she’d like that.

“I mean, I like really freaked out. Derek kind of had to restrain me.” You admitted. Thinking back on it, you seemed completely silly, but the fear you felt was real enough. “You can laugh at that.”

“Why would I laugh?” He asked you honestly, looking to you with a familiar confused face.

“I don’t know, the thought of me trying to fight against Derek Morgan. He’s easily twice my size.” Spencer chuckled, reaching out to hold your hand in his. He liked the way your fingers and his fit together, your hands were soft and you never complained if his were slightly clammy.

“You were that worried about me?” You had been studying his hand in yours, smiling gently at his thumb rubbing across the back of your hand. But then you looked at him with a disappointed look.

“Of course I was.” Your voice wavered, since he looked so confused at your statement. When was this boy going to let you kiss him all over until he understood how much you cared about him?

You stared into each other's eyes for a few minutes, soaking up the way you looked at each other. It felt nice to be honest, and to see his face fully- you had a nasty habit of looking away whenever he caught you staring at him.

“I think you mean a lot more to me than I realised you did.” You whispered, not breaking eye contact. He didn’t respond for a second, so you huffed, laughed, and looked away. “I’m sorry for laying that on you like that.”

“I-“ He couldn’t say anything, but kept playing with your hand in his. “I care about you too, you know.”

You chuckled again, looking up to him. His eyes were as big as ever, his face still flushed from the heat. “I know you do, but how much?”

You felt silly for asking, but after such an event your frustrations with a lack of progress with Spencer seemed to surface. You wanted something to happen with him more than anything in the world, and he knew that, so you just had to wait for him to make a move. It was wonderfully infuriating.

You looked up to him desperately, hoping that he could understand how much you needed him to do something. Hopefully, he did.

Clearing his throat once, he dropped his hand from yours. “Would you let me take you out on a date?” He asked you honestly, and a different part of him filled with nerves than when he boarded the train- the nerves you gave him were decidedly good, something he wasn’t used to.

You smiled, raising an eyebrow at him. “That’d be nice.” He smiled back easily, like he hadn’t expected it to go so smoothly.

“I’ve gotta head to the hospital.” He spoke with a smile still, his body not moving where it was meant to. He was sure Derek was watching from somewhere close by, just waiting to tease him. He wondered if he’d tease himself when he finally walked past a mirror, thinking of how much he’d changed over the past few months.

A date, he couldn’t wait to tell his mom that.

“Okay.” You replied, red cheeks evident. Neither of you able to pull away from each other.

You were tempted to reach a hand out to him again, as was he, because his hand seemed to dangle at his side like it didn’t really have a purpose when it wasn’t holding your own. He looked to you once again, wondering if he could kiss you before he left- he wondered if he was a ‘bye kiss’ kind of person.

“I’ll see you on the jet?” He whispered, awkwardly shoving one of his hands in his pocket.

“Yeah.” You replied, not moving your eyes from his spare hand. “If Hotch hasn’t killed me. I seriously don’t know how annoyed he is.”

He laughed, smiling at you once again. He knew you’d be fine, Hotch was a massive softie, especially after such bad cases- the embarrassment and slight worry on your face was cute.

“I’ll see you after?” You asked again with a ghosting smile, and he nodded at you in response.

Before he got the chance to move you moved to grab his spare hand, needing just another second of contact before you parted ways. You squeezed once before you stepped back, holding onto his hand until it slipped out of your grasp.

His hand flopped back down to his side, but his eyes didn’t leave yours. He still looked struck, making you smile, before you spun your body around, heading towards Hotch’s car.

He watched you for a second more, smiling at himself, before going to find his own ride to the hospital.


End file.
